this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
