Fine. I'll sleep in my office
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize