whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
