I think im going to throw up on grandma
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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