is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
