My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
