I puked a lego.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
