I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
