is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
