Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
