you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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