In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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