I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
