defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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