he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
