i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize