My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
