Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
