May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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