I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
