so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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