can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
