I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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