I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
