I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
