my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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