got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
