Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
