I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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