I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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