just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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