its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
