Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
