I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize