zippers are such a cool invention
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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