U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
