you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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