speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
