We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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