Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize