She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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