hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
