is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
