I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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