im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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