So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
