Don't you send me to vm
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
