Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
