I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
