Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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