So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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