Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize