Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Randomize
