I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
