I just cut my nipple shaving
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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