Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
