smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
