i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
