took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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