dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize