I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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