yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
