i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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