is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
