i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
