I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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