DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
