The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
