Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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