he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my poor anus
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
