Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
