how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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