Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
