So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
