Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize