"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
