"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
