I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
