You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
