i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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