Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
