Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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