dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
