OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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