Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
