Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
