i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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