I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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