Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
