i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
