im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize