This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
