her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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