I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
