what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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