My friends, they love my intelligence
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
