sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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