Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
