just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
