he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
