Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
