I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
