Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
