can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
