But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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